India has a roll in the senior play at her school. They are doing a comedy about pirates (go figure) and she, appropriately enough, is cast as the little native *snicker*. Apparently the natives are like the Three Stooges which makes my plan work beautifully.
Here's the plan:
I told India that we will all go to the play and be seated in the front row.
We'll pull a "Lowville" which means we will cover the entire row in coats so no one else can sit in any of the seats.
Each of us will hold a large sheet of poster board with a letter on it to spell out her name, plus the exclamation point. These we will hold high in the air during the entire performance so as to block out the view of anyone sitting at floor-level behind us.
Each time India enters the stage we will jump to our feet and cheer for her until she exits the stage.
Throughout the show we will do a "Mystery Science Theater 3000" and make editorial comments about the show, the lines and the acting.
We will encourage "plank walkings" "gizzard slittings" and whatever other forms of punishment we deem necessary.
In recognition of the most commonly yelled word in Pirates of the Caribbean, we will often yell out "FIRE!!"
In honour of Matthew's stage crew days, when the stage crew does anything significant we will have an air horn and blow it while cheering for the fantastic feats of the crew.
Even though India has a bit part we will show up with the largest bunch of long-stemmed red roses known to man.
When the play is over I will cry loudly about how I'm losing my baby!!!!
Will I do these things? Who knows?
I have until June to work on my plan, if I decide to go ahead with it.
In the meantime, the sheer joy of seeing the fear in India's face is worth every minute I spend making these threats.