Thursday, February 4, 2016

The Lies That Break The Ties That Bind

Long, long ago I married my first husband. We had a rough start from the beginning of our dating, because he was always exploring his options with other women. But I was young and naive and hoped for the best. After we married, the cheating continued but otherwise we were happy. I just learned to accept the other women in his life, while he went about seemingly unaware that I knew. Then we had our son and I became completely devoted to my little boy, while his father continued his affairs. I had the distraction I needed to not think about his actions anymore.

Eventually he ended up seeing a co-worker.  She was fired, but continued to see him. She had a baby by someone else during their almost two-year affair (it took her several years to figure out the exact paternity - not him). Then she told him he had to leave me for her. I heard him beg her over the phone not to make him go, but when he got off the phone, she came over, he got in her car, and was gone. 

We agreed to remain friends for our son, but she didn't like that. She told me my son would be found in the bottom of the river if they ever had him come to their home for a visit, while the ex began acting erratically. The police, and his sister told me to get away. He cut me off financially so his sister sent me money to leave.  I went to be near his Mom, who is still like a mother to me. He never attempted to see our son and only spoke to him on the phone when our son was nine years old. That didn't end well when his wife demanded to know why our son refused to tell her that he loved her, despite him never having any contact with her before. 

They were married soon after he got a quick divorce from me. This resulted in his "Less Than Honorable" discharge from the Air Force, for committing adultery. He was give everything in the divorce because I didn't make the trip back to Texas. Everything: the piano I got in fifth grade, my parents' dining room set, the bookcases that my dad built, artwork of my parents, my personal items, our son's personal items and toys. Everything. But I got his Mom, his sister and our son. What I received was so much more valuable. 

Over the years his wife would call or email me to say she wanted us to be one big happy family. She would be so nice for a while, gather information, then flip out and tell me to stop contacting her. She would contact my son and tell him his father wanted to speak to him, telling my son to call at a certain time. Only to not answer the phone, or tell him that his father had gone to bed. She did this over and over throughout the years. She even returned my son's graduation announcement and senior picture, marking it "refused".

She used the information that I told her about myself to recreate her misspent youth. She was a mom at sixteen, had a several year affair with her priest (resulting in a child), and cheated on my ex throughout their marriage. Bragging to me about these things, like she was daring me to try to tell the truth about her. Yet she recreated her story to take over the accomplishments that I did in high school. Making herself part of the band, school newspaper, plays, anything that I did became hers. After only winning back-child support in her suit against the archdiocese, she rode on the way-ward priest bandwagon by writing a poorly written book claiming she was abused by this priest, and refusing to admit the child was his. 

She wrote letters and emails to my ex's family telling them lies about me, and convinced my ex that I had mental illnesses (although not being clear what they were). For some reason this was bad, despite her admitting to several mental illnesses herself. The reality was I had seen a psychiatrist twice. Both times it was during custody battles with the father of my younger children. The first time I was told that I was "mildly depressed". Not unusual for a mom fighting for her children. The second time I was told that I was "abnormally happy".  But considering I knew my childrens' father would not follow through on the fight, it wasn't surprising. She began contacting my exes and the sister that never liked me (or him,for that matter). They began a strange friendship based on their dislike of me.

She and the ex wrote letters to my then-boyfriend telling him how crazy I am and how I only wanted his money. Ironic considering she was slathered in diamonds and bragged about buying $10,000 in clothes every month, as well as getting herself a Camaro for her birthday. While that boyfriend didn't have a penny to his name. Every dime spent in that relationship was spent by me on him. Yet, he fell for it and started calling me a gold-digger.  She tried repeatedly to write a terrible comment about me on this blog (addressed to my readers), only to eventually realize that I have the settings so that I have to approve the comments.

She had my ex write a horrible letter to me, calling me all sorts of terrible things and saying that the abuse my son and I endured under the father of my other children was "Karma". This coming from a couple who had paid their way to becoming important to the local organization for abuse survivors. They bragged about how much they cared for everyone who had ever been abused and that the abuse anyone lives through should be taken seriously. Except mine and my son, we deserved it. 

Her heavy drinking and drug use, combined with her Lupus finally took it's toll and she died last year. Unfortunately, My ex has been so brain-washed into believing everything that she has said over the last 22 years, that he thinks I am the terrible person who kept him from my son and that she was the only one who cared. He thinks my son had made no attempt to contact him, not knowing how many times that contact was attempted, but blocked by his wife. He has no idea that his wife was behind the lost years. He only recently came to see his mom after all these years. She wanted so badly to tell him how she had been in my home two of the times that his wife called, pretending to be nice, but then turned on me. She is afraid to lose him again.  She wants him to see his son. She wants us to be a happy family: him, his children, her, myself, my husband, my son, my other children. She doesn't understand why there has to be hate.

But he has been told so much by his late-wife. I don't think he will ever believe the truth. 

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

The Office Food Thief

I saw this making it's way around Facebook. I don't know where it began, but I wanted to share it with you.
The passive-aggressive note which started the war between the two office workers

The first demand from the anonymous thief, which infuriates the sandwich thief even further

A return threat from the owner of the 'Turkey and Swiss on Rye' that they will bring HR in to conversation

The image of the sandwich thief threatening to continue devouring the person's lunch if they don't put $10 in the fridge

The defeated sandwich owner asks...

More evidence that the man is in possession of the sandwich

The owner follows through on his threat to contact HR and a letter from Tina appears on the fridge door

The thief takes his demands to the top

Who would have thought? Tina refuses

The thief rubs it in even more

The sandwich owner cracks with their first personal spray at the thief

The thief devours the sandwich and posts the finished meal

Caught out: Francis's cover is blown

In fine print the thief grovels to Tina not to fire him

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

My Turn..

Another survey for your reading pleasure. Feel free to take the questions for your own use.

Promise to be honest?

Easy. I've been surrounded by liars my entire life. I despise lying, and can sense it from the first word.

Do you wish some things would go back to how they used to be?
I wish my Folks were still around. I miss them. I wish Ken's Dad was still alive. He was fun and we could talk for hours. Otherwise, I love my life now.
What's on your feet?
I guess you could say my butt, since I'm sitting on one of my feet.

Honestly, if you could go back and change something in the past 5 months. would you?
I would have tried to see more of my hometown friends, and "Mom" (Matthew's grandmother), for longer times when we visited.

Has anyone told you they would never leave and left?
Matthew's father. No loss. Life went on and I became a better person for it; while watching him become a jerk.

Is there someone you don't ever want to be out of your life?
Ken. I spent 35 years hoping I would see him again. I don't want to lose him. And my children, of course.

Where was your default picture taken?
In my hometown during the Cream Cheese Festival last year. My children's father took the photo of my children, Ken and I posed at the giant cow, Lady Lewinda. She is the mascot for that farming community.

Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?
Yes. Ken and I have wanted to be together since we were teens, when my sister and his brother broke us up. We will definitely still be married in ten years.

Who's the last person you were in a car with?
Ken. Two days in the car traveling across the state and back to pick up my van, that broke down just before we moved here. Matthew bought her from me and had her completely overhauled. We also stopped at our old church so Ken and Matthew could install a new TV in the lobby. I think they mailed it to us, so that we had to bring it there..

Who was the last person you were on a bed with?
Ken. It's my favourite place.

Do you hate anyone?
I was raised Catholic (Religious Education every week for my Dad) and Mennonite (regular church with my neighbours). The biggest thing I learned from being raised Mennonite is that I am incapable of hating anyone. No matter what they have done to me.

Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?
Who knows. My kids kiss on the lips. Ken and I kiss a lot! (Heck, my late brother and I used to kiss on the lips.)  My family is very affectionate. Definitely when Ken gets home from work, if not sooner.

Could you go a month without talking to your best friend?
Ken is my best friend. I barely make it to the end of his workday. So we chat on messenger all day long and sometimes talk during lunch.

Have you ever kissed the last person that you texted?
No. I sent a text to Beverly, the Technology Manager at our church about Ken and Amanda helping us with tear down of our stage, so it can be remodeled next week.  We aren't that close. :D

Last time you laughed really hard?
Last night when Ken was tickling me for no reason. I didn't start it. No matter what he says.

Are you a type of person who cares what people say about you?
Not at all. I grew up with a sister who lied about me all the time. She is still trying to destroy my reputation, but I've heard what people think of her. The same with my last two exes. People know me, and know them. So what they say are just words spilling out of their mouths onto deaf ears. My sister did manage to get Ken's mother to forget that she liked me better than my sister, before she died. But I was away from the woman for so many years that she didn't remember me well. No big woof. Life goes on. I have more happiness in my life than any of those people have ever had. And that is why they lie about me. (My Mom told me this when I was a teenager.)

What's the closest black thing to you?
I guess that would be the laptop on my lap, followed by my cell and tablet on the table next to me. 

Do you know what you're going to wear tomorrow?
I'm thinking that I will probably wear clothes.

What are you wearing right now?
Black Shorts (oh, that would be closer than the laptop) and a Dutch Bros Coffee t-shirt.

Do you prefer to take your showers at night or in the morning?
I prefer morning, so my hair dries wavy. But I usually don't get in until afternoon because I spend too much time looking up "just one more thing" on the computer.

Have you ever walked away from someone who meant everything to you?
Yes, Ken when I was a teenager. But I was told by my sister that he had a new girlfriend when he went to college. (He didn't. He was told that I had a new boyfriend, I didn't.)

Do you ignore people when you're mad/upset with them?
No. I distance myself until they calm down when they are upset. I was a single mom of six, I don't get upset easily. (Mad is what happens to animals with rabies.)

Someone tells you that you're beautiful, you say?
Sometimes I say "Thank you". Other times I don't feel like I am, and deny it. (This is a result of years of being told what a waste I am. Those feelings do surface every so often.)

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?
Yes. Every night Ken and I talk until one of us starts to doze off.

Are you excited for summer?
It's mid August. We didn't get to go camping this year because of the trip to South Carolina to see Andrew graduate from Basic Training.  But I am looking forward to seeing the Appalachians and taking waaaay too many pictures! We already have our camping reservations for next summer!!

Do you think age matters in relationships?
Yes, I was in a relationship with a man 12 years older. We had no similar interests. Thankfully we lived across the country from each other, so I could do what I like to do and listen to the music I like to hear.  We only saw each other a total of nine weeks out of 12 months together, when I flew out there. Each time things were done his way. He felt that as the older one, and the man, he was in control.

Will you kiss anyone tomorrow?
At least five people. Six, if I force Matthew to let me kiss him. (He secretly likes it, but we've been playing this game since he was a teenager.)

Who was the last person you rode in the car with that was under 21? 
To church Saturday. That would have been Amanda.
Them driving? 
Andrew before he left for Basic Training, he drove our KIA. He loves driving her! Andrew was giving us a tour around the Adirondacks in Southern St. Lawrence County.

What do you tend to use all your money on?
The usual: bills, gas, rent, food; not much else. Sometimes books or e-books for my Kindle Reader on the Tablet.

Do you want to see somebody right now?
Several people. I would love to see "Mom". I haven't seen her in a few months. I can't wait to see Andrew!  I miss Ken while he's at work.

Who was your last text from?
Beverly. We were discussing the stage remodel at church.

How did your night go last night?
After getting home from the other side of the state at 12:15 the night before, We spent a quiet evening with family, as usual. And fell asleep as soon as our heads hit the pillow. 

Do you like to go to the mall?
On occasion.  I'm not a big mall shopper. I don't like spending money, and it disappears too quickly at the mall.  Discount shopping for essentials is my thing. I get a rush when I save a lot of money!

If you could leave your town, would you?
I have left my town many times. I left my hometown to move to Albuquerque. Left Albuquerque to move to Guam. Left Guam to move to San Antonio. Left San Antonio to move to my hometown. Left my hometown to move near Erie Pennsylvania (Findley Lake). Left Findley Lake to move to Latham. After Jerome graduates, maybe. That is four years away. It depends on what house we end up with. I might love it, I might want to move to a town outside of Albany. I miss having chickens and a garden.

What do you do when you're upset?
Clean. Tear drawers and closets apart, and organize them. 

Do you want anyone out of your life?
Should I list them? Ken's ex, her son and daughter-in-law, my vengeful ex, my sister, Ken's brother, their children, my late brother's wife, my half brother. These people have no life of their own, and so they are dead-set determined to try to end our happiness. Sorry. It can't be done. (Really? Damaging the car? How childish.)  Trying to hurt us monetarily won't work either.  Money will never buy happiness. Trust me. I had money, I was miserable. For the last several years I have been comfortable, now I am still comfortable, and have the man whom I always loved. I do forgive these people each time they try to hurt us. They carry their own burdens that caused them the pain that they are showing through their cruelty.  I pity them because they don't know what it is like to love, or to be loved.  Key word: Love. That is why we are so happy!  We have more Love now than they all have known in their lifetimes.  I can't help but feel for them.

Have you spoken to your most recent ex today?
No. I can't. He is so hung up on himself and considers himself to be such catch, that if I even thank him for complimenting a picture of mine, he thinks I want him back. If I tell him I don't want him back, he says I have mental problems. Not worth the headache.

How many months until your birthday?
Three more months until my birthday present (Andrew) and I have our birthdays. That begins the string of birthdays for the next few months after that.

Who last called you?
William. He moved with his Dad in the Adirondacks when we left wine/farm country and moved to the suburbs. He calls me every day or so.

Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes. At our old house in Findley Lake. We got locked out. I was the smallest so Matthew lifted me to the bathroom window.

Think of the last person you told “I love you” to, did you mean it?
William when we hung up the phone.  Of course I meant it!

What were you doing at midnight last night?
Snuggling with Ken.

Would you feel comfortable with short hair, or do you prefer long hair?
I don't like the look of short hair. I prefer long hair. Right now my hair is shorter than I like because I got a trim and lost several inches. And Ken wanted to see me in bangs.  It will grow out. I like tapered to mid-back, where it still has body and isn't weighing itself down.

Are you going to get hurt by a girl/guy anytime soon?
Nope. I have Ken, And he would never hurt me. He loves me too much.

What are your plans for tonight?
Ken and India have their weekly Dungeons & Dragons night at a local card shop. I make sure supper is ready when they get home from work, so they can head out right away. Then I just relax for the rest of the evening with the other kids. 

Do you think you will be in a relationship two months from now?
Of course!

Is there someone who you're attracted to?
Obviously. I have always been attracted to Ken.

What does your last received text message say?
It doesn't say anything. It can't talk. But  this is what is written: "Awesome!" (Again, having to do with the remodeling of the stage at church.)

When was the last time you were truly, completely happy with your life?
Right now!  I am at total peace with my life. As long as I have Ken and my kids I am completely content.

When's the next time you will see the person who absolutely takes your breath away?
Around 6 tonight, when Ken gets home.

What are you most looking forward to tomorrow?
Snuggling with Ken before he gets up for work. Laughing with Ken and the kids in the evening. Making homemade Kielbasa subs. Ken says they are the best he's ever had. He's Polish, so that means a lot! Snuggling with Ken at bedtime.

Is it easy to forgive and forget?
Forgiving is easy. It is also important so that you get rid of the bitterness, and move on. By not forgiving you are the one being punished. It has no affect on the person who hurt you.
But, it's important to never forget. Forgetting means you never learned anything from whatever happens. You shouldn't focus on it, but just tuck it in the back recesses of your mind in case you need to remember it later. And move on with your life.