Thoughts on Life

I don't normally put my life out there, but I figure there aren't a lot of people reading this blog so I need to do something cathartic.

My life has been through many highs and lows. I made wrong decisions which led me to bad marriages. I wish I could say that it has left me believing in love, but it hasn't. I realize many people, including a few of my friends have amazing marriages. I feel like that was because they took the time to really know the person they were marrying. I never did that. I was so grateful that someone seemed to love me that I listened to the courting ritual they used. They told me lies and I bought the stories. After they reined me in they treated me terribly.

Do I wish the marriages hadn't happened?

No. Each marriage gave me something.

I was able to raise the son from the first marriage by myself, for the most part. He turned out to be an amazing man, and I am so very proud of him.

My second marriage gave me five children whom I love dearly. Input from their father has left a few of them confused, but I will never stop loving them. Other things this marriage left me with is empathy toward those who are suffering or are hurt. It taught me how to be strong. It helped me find who I really am (more on that in a minute).

Finally, my last marriage. This will be the last. This is where I realized that I can only trust God. He has done many amazing things in my life, and he has kept me alive when I should have been dead long ago. Not because I was suicidal. So many times in my life, because of coincidence or because of men, I should have died. God wanted me alive. He is my best friend and I spend a lot of time diving deeper into being a Christ-follower (a Christian in more than just words). God and I have had many really good conversations.

Who have I learned I am? 

My oldest using the Black Magic Pocket Cinema
(video camera) on the Dolly track.

I am nothing like my first two husbands thought I was. I am much more intelligent that I gave myself credit for. My oldest is a web developer/systems manager, and production volunteer (he had been Interim Multisite Production Director on top of his IT Director job). He taught me to use computers, now I'm taking coding classes.

He voluntold me for the production team at church and I absolutely loved that! I learned computer programming, video cameras, how to program lighting, wiring of lights, directing cameras, and what each piece of equipment does and how to set it up. I am eternally grateful to Rob, Bev, Mike, Matt and Scott for sharing their knowledge with me. 

I learned that I'm pretty funny. I kept the people in production (and my kids) laughing. I think the snarkiness adds to that. I stopped being self-centered and learned to let things go. I learned that I am pretty independent, and often prefer to do things by myself. I learned that I love, love, love hiking in the mountains. I learned that I want an off-grid cabin in the woods. I don't want to live there (yet), I just want to spend most of my spare time there. Maybe one day...

Buck Mountain Summit
overlooking Lake George, NY

Have a great one!

Ingrid

The Path We Choose

Day 21 of Social Distancing.

It's a simple chart. I saw it on Facebook today, and shared it.

This chart:

I've been watching people at both ends of the spectrum.

There have been a few people who are focusing on things that annoy them. Their anger and bitterness has come out. Many of their posts are complaints. I don't want to focus on them.

Most of the people I know are in the Growth Zone. That's the zone I'm in. I want to focus on the positive. Sure, like many people, the news gets to be too much and I want to cry. Everyone needs a good cry. It relieves pressure. Most of the time I'm using this time to do something constructive. I cleaned every cabinet, drawer and closet that I can get to. Cleaning. Lots of cleaning. I'm teaching myself, with the help of YouTube, how to play finger-style guitar. I'm working on a complex counted cross stitch. I found a website to learn how to code. Not anything extensive like my web developer son, but to build on what he taught me of HTML and CSS. Maybe I'll get back to my book. It was getting too painful to write about my life, but maybe my story will help someone. I've even taken advantage of the early Spring to start working on my flower beds. Helping at church has turned into an hour or so a few days a week, instead of the 20+ hours a week that I had spent volunteering there. At least I'm still able to help. Relaxation. That has been something I've felt guilty about. I'm using this time to relax.

What path are you choosing?

Lent Isn't Just For Catholics Anymore

Wednesday was the first day of Lent. I am reminded of this by my husband. He was raised Catholic, but attended my Baptist Church before our move, and now attends our Non-Denominational Church.  I don't drink or smoke, and the only thing I could think to give up is my rare sweets. I recently heard about taking a different direction during Lent: Doing good. This would be easy peasy since I am addicted to volunteering and enjoy doing things to benefit others. I found many ideas on various blogs and am already doing many of them.

For starters, let's look at some of the less obvious things you might consider giving up:

1. Gossip
2. Complaining
3. Negativity
4. Laziness
5. Arguing
6. Being picky
7. Judging people
8. Comparing yourself with others
9. Lying
10. Cursing
11. Wasting your life on the internet
12. Checking your smartphone when you’re with people
13. Driving when you could walk

Then there are the ways to benefit others:

1. A chapter of the Bible a day. You can get through all 4 Gospels if you read 2 chapters a day and don’t skip Sundays.
2. 10 minutes of meditation a day
3. Join a Bible study at your parish
4. 20 minutes of Spiritual reading a day
5. List 5 things you’re grateful for every day
6. Journal
7. Blog
8. Make a schedule
9. Call your mother
10. Volunteer once a week
11. Give someone a compliment every day
12. Take someone to lunch every week
13. Perform an act of charity every day
14. Spend more time with family.
15. Give to the poor.
16. Each week write a thank-you note
17. Write a poem of praise for each person in your family.
18. Get a stack of sticky-notes and write one sentence of thanks each day and stick it to the bedroom door of each person in your family so that by Easter they each have 40 sticky-notes.
19. At dinner each evening ask your family to share one thing for which they are grateful.
20. Go for a walk each day with a loved one
21. Exercise each day.
22. Spend at least half an hour each day in meaningful conversation with your spouse.
23. Do a random act of kindness each day.

I hope you can find something on this list that you would like to do. I know I have.

My Turn..

Another survey for your reading pleasure. Feel free to take the questions for your own use.

Promise to be honest?

Easy. I've been surrounded by liars my entire life. I despise lying, and can sense it from the first word.

Do you wish some things would go back to how they used to be?
I wish my Folks were still around. I miss them. I wish Ken's Dad was still alive. He was fun and we could talk for hours. Otherwise, I love my life now.

What's on your feet?

I guess you could say my butt, since I'm sitting on one of my feet.

Honestly, if you could go back and change something in the past 5 months. would you?

I would have tried to see more of my hometown friends, and "Mom" (Matthew's grandmother), for longer times when we visited.

Has anyone told you they would never leave and left?

Matthew's father. No loss. Life went on and I became a better person for it; while watching him become a jerk.

Is there someone you don't ever want to be out of your life?

Ken. I spent 35 years hoping I would see him again. I don't want to lose him. And my children, of course.

Where was your default picture taken?

In my hometown during the Cream Cheese Festival last year. My children's father took the photo of my children, Ken and I posed at the giant cow, Lady Lewinda. She is the mascot for that farming community.

Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?

Yes. Ken and I have wanted to be together since we were teens, when my sister and his brother broke us up. We will definitely still be married in ten years.

Who's the last person you were in a car with?

Ken. Two days in the car traveling across the state and back to pick up my van, that broke down just before we moved here. Matthew bought her from me and had her completely overhauled. We also stopped at our old church so Ken and Matthew could install a new TV in the lobby. I think they mailed it to us, so that we had to bring it there..

Who was the last person you were on a bed with?

Ken. It's my favourite place.

Do you hate anyone?

I was raised Catholic (Religious Education every week for my Dad) and Mennonite (regular church with my neighbours). The biggest thing I learned from being raised Mennonite is that I am incapable of hating anyone. No matter what they have done to me.

Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

Who knows. My kids kiss on the lips. Ken and I kiss a lot! (Heck, my late brother and I used to kiss on the lips.)  My family is very affectionate. Definitely when Ken gets home from work, if not sooner.

Could you go a month without talking to your best friend?

Ken is my best friend. I barely make it to the end of his workday. So we chat on messenger all day long and sometimes talk during lunch.

Have you ever kissed the last person that you texted?

No. I sent a text to Beverly, the Technology Manager at our church about Ken and Amanda helping us with tear down of our stage, so it can be remodeled next week.  We aren't that close. :D

Last time you laughed really hard?

Last night when Ken was tickling me for no reason. I didn't start it. No matter what he says.

Are you a type of person who cares what people say about you?

Not at all. I grew up with a sister who lied about me all the time. She is still trying to destroy my reputation, but I've heard what people think of her. The same with my last two exes. People know me, and know them. So what they say are just words spilling out of their mouths onto deaf ears. My sister did manage to get Ken's mother to forget that she liked me better than my sister, before she died. But I was away from the woman for so many years that she didn't remember me well. No big woof. Life goes on. I have more happiness in my life than any of those people have ever had. And that is why they lie about me. (My Mom told me this when I was a teenager.)

What's the closest black thing to you?

I guess that would be the laptop on my lap, followed by my cell and tablet on the table next to me. 

Do you know what you're going to wear tomorrow?

I'm thinking that I will probably wear clothes.

What are you wearing right now?

Black Shorts (oh, that would be closer than the laptop) and a Dutch Bros Coffee t-shirt.

Do you prefer to take your showers at night or in the morning?

I prefer morning, so my hair dries wavy. But I usually don't get in until afternoon because I spend too much time looking up "just one more thing" on the computer.

Have you ever walked away from someone who meant everything to you?

Yes, Ken when I was a teenager. But I was told by my sister that he had a new girlfriend when he went to college. (He didn't. He was told that I had a new boyfriend, I didn't.)

Do you ignore people when you're mad/upset with them?

No. I distance myself until they calm down when they are upset. I was a single mom of six, I don't get upset easily. (Mad is what happens to animals with rabies.)

Someone tells you that you're beautiful, you say?

Sometimes I say "Thank you". Other times I don't feel like I am, and deny it. (This is a result of years of being told what a waste I am. Those feelings do surface every so often.)

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

Yes. Every night Ken and I talk until one of us starts to doze off.

Are you excited for summer?

It's mid August. We didn't get to go camping this year because of the trip to South Carolina to see Andrew graduate from Basic Training.  But I am looking forward to seeing the Appalachians and taking waaaay too many pictures! We already have our camping reservations for next summer!!

Do you think age matters in relationships?

Yes, I was in a relationship with a man 12 years older. We had no similar interests. Thankfully we lived across the country from each other, so I could do what I like to do and listen to the music I like to hear.  We only saw each other a total of nine weeks out of 12 months together, when I flew out there. Each time things were done his way. He felt that as the older one, and the man, he was in control.

Will you kiss anyone tomorrow?

At least five people. Six, if I force Matthew to let me kiss him. (He secretly likes it, but we've been playing this game since he was a teenager.)

Who was the last person you rode in the car with that was under 21? 

To church Saturday. That would have been Amanda.

Them driving? 

Andrew before he left for Basic Training, he drove our KIA. He loves driving her! Andrew was giving us a tour around the Adirondacks in Southern St. Lawrence County.

What do you tend to use all your money on?

The usual: bills, gas, rent, food; not much else. Sometimes books or e-books for my Kindle Reader on the Tablet.

Do you want to see somebody right now?

Several people. I would love to see "Mom". I haven't seen her in a few months. I can't wait to see Andrew!  I miss Ken while he's at work.

Who was your last text from?

Beverly. We were discussing the stage remodel at church.

How did your night go last night?

After getting home from the other side of the state at 12:15 the night before, We spent a quiet evening with family, as usual. And fell asleep as soon as our heads hit the pillow. 

Do you like to go to the mall?

On occasion.  I'm not a big mall shopper. I don't like spending money, and it disappears too quickly at the mall.  Discount shopping for essentials is my thing. I get a rush when I save a lot of money!

If you could leave your town, would you?

I have left my town many times. I left my hometown to move to Albuquerque. Left Albuquerque to move to Guam. Left Guam to move to San Antonio. Left San Antonio to move to my hometown. Left my hometown to move near Erie Pennsylvania (Findley Lake). Left Findley Lake to move to Latham. After Jerome graduates, maybe. That is four years away. It depends on what house we end up with. I might love it, I might want to move to a town outside of Albany. I miss having chickens and a garden.

What do you do when you're upset?

Clean. Tear drawers and closets apart, and organize them. 

Do you want anyone out of your life?

Should I list them? Ken's ex, her son and daughter-in-law, my vengeful ex, my sister, Ken's brother, their children, my late brother's wife, my half brother. These people have no life of their own, and so they are dead-set determined to try to end our happiness. Sorry. It can't be done. (Really? Damaging the car? How childish.)  Trying to hurt us monetarily won't work either.  Money will never buy happiness. Trust me. I had money, I was miserable. For the last several years I have been comfortable, now I am still comfortable, and have the man whom I always loved. I do forgive these people each time they try to hurt us. They carry their own burdens that caused them the pain that they are showing through their cruelty.  I pity them because they don't know what it is like to love, or to be loved.  Key word: Love. That is why we are so happy!  We have more Love now than they all have known in their lifetimes.  I can't help but feel for them.

Have you spoken to your most recent ex today?

No. I can't. He is so hung up on himself and considers himself to be such catch, that if I even thank him for complimenting a picture of mine, he thinks I want him back. If I tell him I don't want him back, he says I have mental problems. Not worth the headache.

How many months until your birthday?

Three more months until my birthday present (Andrew) and I have our birthdays. That begins the string of birthdays for the next few months after that.

Who last called you?

William. He moved with his Dad in the Adirondacks when we left wine/farm country and moved to the suburbs. He calls me every day or so.

Have you ever crawled through a window?

Yes. At our old house in Findley Lake. We got locked out. I was the smallest so Matthew lifted me to the bathroom window.

Think of the last person you told “I love you” to, did you mean it?

William when we hung up the phone.  Of course I meant it!

What were you doing at midnight last night?

Snuggling with Ken.

Would you feel comfortable with short hair, or do you prefer long hair?

I don't like the look of short hair. I prefer long hair. Right now my hair is shorter than I like because I got a trim and lost several inches. And Ken wanted to see me in bangs.  It will grow out. I like tapered to mid-back, where it still has body and isn't weighing itself down.

Are you going to get hurt by a girl/guy anytime soon?

Nope. I have Ken, And he would never hurt me. He loves me too much.

What are your plans for tonight?

Ken and India have their weekly Dungeons & Dragons night at a local card shop. I make sure supper is ready when they get home from work, so they can head out right away. Then I just relax for the rest of the evening with the other kids. 

Do you think you will be in a relationship two months from now?

Of course!

Is there someone who you're attracted to?

Obviously. I have always been attracted to Ken.

What does your last received text message say?

It doesn't say anything. It can't talk. But  this is what is written: "Awesome!" (Again, having to do with the remodeling of the stage at church.)

When was the last time you were truly, completely happy with your life?

Right now!  I am at total peace with my life. As long as I have Ken and my kids I am completely content.

When's the next time you will see the person who absolutely takes your breath away?

Around 6 tonight, when Ken gets home.

What are you most looking forward to tomorrow?

Snuggling with Ken before he gets up for work. Laughing with Ken and the kids in the evening. Making homemade Kielbasa subs. Ken says they are the best he's ever had. He's Polish, so that means a lot! Snuggling with Ken at bedtime.

Is it easy to forgive and forget?

Forgiving is easy. It is also important so that you get rid of the bitterness, and move on. By not forgiving you are the one being punished. It has no affect on the person who hurt you.

But, it's important to never forget. Forgetting means you never learned anything from whatever happens. You shouldn't focus on it, but just tuck it in the back recesses of your mind in case you need to remember it later. And move on with your life.

Happy Trails to You

I had intentionally kept away from my blog after we moved because the ex that was left near our former home just won't stop trying to make my life as miserable as his own.  When I realized that he had been given my new address by one of my siblings, I decided to get back into blogging.  I am not going to try to hide from evil.  Life is too short to let him feel like he won.  By letting him see that he can't break us, maybe, just maybe, he will move on to another victim.

There has been so much that has happened with my family, and so many exciting adventures that we have been on. I have many blogs in draft to share with you.  All I need is to edit some of the older photos, since they were taken with cell phones. I wasn't sure where to begin and decided to bounce around time-wise as I go through photos and share posts.  I hope I don't make you dizzy.

First stop: John Boyd Thacher State Park. Or simply Thacher Park, to the locals.  Our family adopted a couple of trails along the escarpment here. We go up there, clean the trails and trim the branches. The drop-off from the trails to the valley below is about 800 feet, on the average. Saturday we decided to hike Paint Mine Trail, one of the trails along the hill. We did leave the trail and went up several connecting trails before doubling back to the car.

If you are ever in the Capital District you have to stop by this park for a hike, and maybe even a picnic.

The first thing India did was to share a frog with me.

Amanda took this photo of Ken and me heading to the trail. 

(Yes, that is proper English.)

Waterfalls Galore!

But really, can you ever get enough?

Off in the distance.

I love the sound.

Does anyone else see a chicken wing?

I thought this was so creepy looking.

A Fairy home is hiding in this tree.

Such a cool mushroom.

What a beautiful fence.

Trail in the woods. 'nough said.

A lonely bench.

Can you see him?

It's a cute little snake.

The trunk to this tree is hollow.

Yet the tree still thrived.

A penny for your thoughts.

My favourite insect, the dragon fly.

The overcast sky went away and revealed this beautiful shade of blue. 

Love the contrast with the trees.

Ken got to experience riding on a swing for the first time in his entire life.

Release your inner child.

"You shall not pass!"

Looking toward The Helderberg Escarpment 

and Massachusetts in the background.

This is hard to see,

But three hawks were circling.

I found the over-spray amusing.

After all, I am easily amused.

Isn't he lovely?

Reeses was fascinated by the other dogs.

It turned into such a beautiful day.

A New Year With An Old Love

I can't believe another year has gone by so quickly and my life has changed so much in that time. After giving up on love and believing those who had claimed to love me, but would tell me that no one ever would, I am back with my first love.  Happier than I ever thought I could be and more in love than I thought was possible. We had lost one another for 35 years but found each other, and could only think of how we would manage to be reunited.  It took several months to figure out the logistics.

I owned my own rather large home, but was on year five of a never-ending battle to keep it, while my ex wanted it sold. My children were in a school that they loved.  But most of all, my church family meant the world to me. My entire family was heavily into volunteering there; my oldest was even their Tech Director.  However, I was never able to find a permanent job and worked a series of short term jobs. But we were happy.

My Sweetie was living a life of loneliness and working at a job he loved with the same company for almost three decades, and told me he often dreamed of one day finding me. Then I found him.

I gave up the fight for the house,  found homes for my dog, cats and remaining chicken. We packed everything we owned into storage, sent my minivan to my neighbour's home, until we get transmission work done. Two of my sons opted to live in the country with their Dad and my four remaining children traveled with us and our remaining cats, cockatiel, and dinner plate-sized red-eared slider. We downsized to an apartment in the city. Quite different from our almost 3000 square foot home and five acre property in the country.

We found a church we love; where my oldest is already involved in the tech department. Two of my kids have jobs, another changed her college plans and the younger one is loving his new school that has almost as many kids in his grade as his former school had in K-12 grades. My remaining children and I are closer than ever. We've had many  laughs and fun adventures and are taking part in all sorts of new activities.  But the best part for me is that I am back with the first boy I ever loved. My first serious relationship.  And for the first time in my life I feel like someone really loves me (besides my parents and my children).

I don't know how 2015 can be better than 2014. I can't wait to see what is next.

30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself

I saw this post over at The Unbounded Spirit.  It was originally posted at Marc and Angel (authors of 1000 Little Things Happy Successful People Do Differently). It's such a wonderful lesson that I just had to share it with you folks. 

#1. Start spending time with the right people. – These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways. They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally.

#2. Start facing your problems head on. – It isn’t your problems that define you, but how you react to them and recover from them. Problems will not disappear unless you take action. Do what you can, when you can, and acknowledge what you’ve done. It’s all about taking baby steps in the right direction, inch by inch. These inches count, they add up to yards and miles in the long run.

#3. Start being honest with yourself about everything. – Be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed. Be honest about what you want to achieve and who you want to become. Be honest with every aspect of your life, always. Because you are the one person you can forever count on. Search your soul, for the truth, so that you truly know who you are. Once you do, you’ll have a better understanding of where you are now and how you got here, and you’ll be better equipped to identify where you want to go and how to get there. Read The Road Less Traveled.

#4. Start making your own happiness a priority. – Your needs matter. If you don’t value yourself, look out for yourself, and stick up for yourself, you’re sabotaging yourself. Remember, it IS possible to take care of your own needs while simultaneously caring for those around you. And once your needs are met, you will likely be far more capable of helping those who need you most.

#5. Start being yourself, genuinely and proudly. – Trying to be anyone else is a waste of the person you are. Be yourself. Embrace that individual inside you that has ideas, strengths and beauty like no one else. Be the person you know yourself to be – the best version of you – on your terms. Above all, be true to YOU, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.

#6. Start noticing and living in the present. – Right now is a miracle. Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. So stop thinking about how great things will be in the future. Stop dwelling on what did or didn’t happen in the past. Learn to be in the ‘here and now’ and experience life as it’s happening. Appreciate the world for the beauty that it holds, right now.

#7. Start valuing the lessons your mistakes teach you. – Mistakes are okay; they’re the stepping stones of progress. If you’re not failing from time to time, you’re not trying hard enough and you’re not learning. Take risks, stumble, fall, and then get up and try again. Appreciate that you are pushing yourself, learning, growing and improving. Significant achievements are almost invariably realized at the end of a long road of failures. One of the ‘mistakes’ you fear might just be the link to your greatest achievement yet.

#8. Start being more polite to yourself. – If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend? The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. You must love who you are or no one else will.

#9. Start enjoying the things you already have. – The problem with many of us is that we think we’ll be happy when we reach a certain level in life – a level we see others operating at – your boss with her corner office, that friend of a friend who owns a mansion on the beach, etc. Unfortunately, it takes awhile before you get there, and when you get there you’ll likely have a new destination in mind. You’ll end up spending your whole life working toward something new without ever stopping to enjoy the things you have now. So take a quiet moment every morning when you first awake to appreciate where you are and what you already have.

#10. Start creating your own happiness. – If you are waiting for someone else to make you happy, you’re missing out. Smile because you can. Choose happiness. Be the change you want to see in the world. Be happy with who you are now, and let your positivity inspire your journey into tomorrow. Happiness is often found when and where you decide to seek it. If you look for happiness within the opportunities you have, you will eventually find it. But if you constantly look for something else, unfortunately, you’ll find that too. Read Stumbling on Happiness.

#11. Start giving your ideas and dreams a chance. – In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Most of the time you just have to go for it! And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be. Either you succeed or you learn something. Win-Win.

#12. Start believing that you’re ready for the next step. – You are ready! Think about it. You have everything you need right now to take the next small, realistic step forward. So embrace the opportunities that come your way, and accept the challenges – they’re gifts that will help you to grow.

#13. Start entering new relationships for the right reasons. – Enter new relationships with dependable, honest people who reflect the person you are and the person you want to be. Choose friends you are proud to know, people you admire, who show you love and respect – people who reciprocate your kindness and commitment. And pay attention to what people do, because a person’s actions are much more important than their words or how others represent them.

#14. Start giving new people you meet a chance. – It sounds harsh, but you cannot keep every friend you’ve ever made. People and priorities change. As some relationships fade others will grow. Appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work. Trust your judgment. Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory. Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.

#15. Start competing against an earlier version of yourself. – Be inspired by others, appreciate others, learn from others, but know that competing against them is a waste of time. You are in competition with one person and one person only – yourself. You are competing to be the best you can be. Aim to break your own personal records.

#16. Start cheering for other people’s victories. – Start noticing what you like about others and tell them. Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places. So be happy for those who are making progress. Cheer for their victories. Be thankful for their blessings, openly. What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you.

#17. Start looking for the silver lining in tough situations. – When things are hard, and you feel down, take a few deep breaths and look for the silver lining – the small glimmers of hope. Remind yourself that you can and will grow stronger from these hard times. And remain conscious of your blessings and victories – all the things in your life that are right. Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t.

#18. Start forgiving yourself and others. – We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others. And while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long. We relive the pain over and over and have a hard time letting go. Forgiveness is the remedy. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.

#19. Start helping those around you. – Care about people. Guide them if you know a better way. The more you help others, the more they will want to help you. Love and kindness begets love and kindness. And so on and so forth.

#20. Start listening to your own inner voice. – If it helps, discuss your ideas with those closest to you, but give yourself enough room to follow your own intuition. Be true to yourself. Say what you need to say. Do what you know in your heart is right.

#21. Start being attentive to your stress level and take short breaks. – Slow down. Breathe. Give yourself permission to pause, regroup and move forward with clarity and purpose. When you’re at your busiest, a brief recess can rejuvenate your mind and increase your productivity. These short breaks will help you regain your sanity and reflect on your recent actions so you can be sure they’re in line with your goals.

#22. Start noticing the beauty of small moments. – Instead of waiting for the big things to happen – marriage, kids, big promotion, winning the lottery – find happiness in the small things that happen every day. Little things like having a quiet cup of coffee in the early morning, or the delicious taste and smell of a homemade meal, or the pleasure of sharing something you enjoy with someone else, or holding hands with your partner. Noticing these small pleasures on a daily basis makes a big difference in the quality of your life.

#23. Start accepting things when they are less than perfect. – Remember, ‘perfect’ is the enemy of ‘good.’ One of the biggest challenges for people who want to improve themselves and improve the world is learning to accept things as they are. Sometimes it’s better to accept and appreciate the world as it is, and people as they are, rather than to trying to make everything and everyone conform to an impossible ideal. No, you shouldn’t accept a life of mediocrity, but learn to love and value things when they are less than perfect.

#24. Start working toward your goals every single day. – Remember, the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Whatever it is you dream about, start taking small, logical steps every day to make it happen. Get out there and DO something! The harder you work the luckier you will become. While many of us decide at some point during the course of our lives that we want to answer our calling, only an astute few of us actually work on it. By ‘working on it,’ I mean consistently devoting oneself to the end result. Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

#25. Start being more open about how you feel. – If you’re hurting, give yourself the necessary space and time to hurt, but be open about it. Talk to those closest to you. Tell them the truth about how you feel. Let them listen. The simple act of getting things off your chest and into the open is your first step toward feeling good again.

#26. Start taking full accountability for your own life. – Own your choices and mistakes, and be willing to take the necessary steps to improve upon them. Either you take accountability for your life or someone else will. And when they do, you’ll become a slave to their ideas and dreams instead of a pioneer of your own. You are the only one who can directly control the outcome of your life. And no, it won’t always be easy. Every person has a stack of obstacles in front of them. But you must take accountability for your situation and overcome these obstacles. Choosing not to is choosing a lifetime of mere existence.

#27. Start actively nurturing your most important relationships. – Bring real, honest joy into your life and the lives of those you love by simply telling them how much they mean to you on a regular basis. You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be everything to a few people. Decide who these people are in your life and treat them like royalty. Remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of.

#28. Start concentrating on the things you can control. – You can’t change everything, but you can always change something. Wasting your time, talent and emotional energy on things that are beyond your control is a recipe for frustration, misery and stagnation. Invest your energy in the things you can control, and act on them now.

#29. Start focusing on the possibility of positive outcomes. – The mind must believe it CAN do something before it is capable of actually doing it. The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful. Listen to your self-talk and replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Regardless of how a situation seems, focus on what you DO WANT to happen, and then take the next positive step forward. No, you can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you react to things. Everyone’s life has positive and negative aspects – whether or not you’re happy and successful in the long run depends greatly on which aspects you focus on. Read The How of Happiness.

#30. Start noticing how wealthy you are right now. – Henry David Thoreau once said, “Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.” Even when times are tough, it’s always important to keep things in perspective. You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night. You didn’t go to sleep outside. You had a choice of what clothes to wear this morning. You hardly broke a sweat today. You didn’t spend a minute in fear. You have access to clean drinking water. You have access to medical care. You have access to the Internet. You can read. Some might say you are incredibly wealthy, so remember to be grateful for all the things you do have.