Just When You Thought Mom Was Done Making Rules

    I admit it, I secretly want the perfect family.  Doesn't everyone?  But, being a realist, I gave up on that idea ages ago.  Plus, being a single Mom with six kids makes it really difficult to be everywhere at once.  Although my super-powers of being able to tell what every sound means and my ability to hear even the slightest of those sounds helps a lot.
    I actually thought I had been doing a pretty good job.  I raised my children in a church-going home.  Not just going to church but volunteering at church too.  I wanted them to learn how to help others so I encourage  my kids to volunteer in any ways I can think of {I can say encourage, right? I mean, it applies to moderate pushiness too, right?} like our weekly volunteering at our local thrift shop. I don't like swearing or the boys odd need to herald in bodily functions with banners, flags, marching bands and loud announcements.  But I admit I sometimes giggle when they do.  For the most part, my kids are really well-behaved and I get lots of compliments on them.

   Other factors often come into play though, don't they?  Things like friends, odd classmates - I'm talking football players here, Mom picking up on her friends cursing - aren't I too old to mimic? and differing parenting styles.  But I think I found a way to deal with this.  My gang and I decided we needed more rules.  Yes, you read that right.  My kids were involved in the decision.  We sat down together and decided what needs to be worked on to make our home a loving and peaceful {peaceful?} home.
   Here are some of the things they chose to stop saying or doing: “Moron”, “Stupid”, or any other name calling, Insults, Lying-my pet peeve, “Shut up”-my downfall, Swearing, No playing the Handicap card-William's weapon of choice. Actions: No Poking, No Hitting, No Shoving, Not following the rules, Not doing what your told by anybody in charge. No embarrassing others.
   Some may think these sound extreme and others might think my family sounds crazy but I have a houseful of teenagers {God help me} and they did help pick out these and several other issues for the list. Who am I to argue with what my kids feel needs to be fixed?

We wrote all of these areas down and Andrew hung it on the fridge for all to see.  {I even sent a copy to William's Special Ed teacher so she can help reinforce it.} I put out six jars.  {Matthew is an adult and seemingly flawless so he doesn't need to be part of this, but Mom does need to curb her occasional questionable wording.}  I do have some pretty rocks but I decided to begin with something smaller in case we have serious issues, so we are using navy beans.  For every infraction the wrong-doer puts a navy bean in their jar.  At the end of the month I will reward the best behaved one with something of their choosing {we did set a price limit to keep this fair}.

Everyone is embracing this new idea so it looks like it's going to work.....

crossing fingers.....

rubbing my shamrock necklace.....

praying.....

I Think I Might Be Starting to Like You

"I think I might be starting to like you."

These are the words my middle son said to me before he left for his father's house for the weekend.  To most people these may sound cold, almost cruel.  When I first heard them I was actually a bit shocked because I hear it from my other children all of the time.  Since he left, I've had time to sit and reflect and I realize just how precious these words are.  You see, William has Asperger's Syndrome.  Asperger's is a form of high-functioning Autism.  William was the victim of a brutal marriage and has paid the price throughout all of the almost-seventeen years of his life.  Every little accomplishment of William's was, in my eyes, a major step.  After years of struggling to get him an education and facing road-block after road-block, I got tired of dealing with a poor educational system and - after a brief time home-schooling him - I found the school that my children now attend.  We moved across the state to be where William would not only learn but where he would thrive.  During the battle with our former school I found this poem and it kept me going: 

You never know how brave you are,

how much courage you can have,

or how many Everests you can climb,

until you are faced with a fire-breathing dragon...

or a child you love with all your heart,

who needs you to be their hero.

~~J. Johnson~~

Despite so many advances that he has made in the two years since our move, things haven't settled down and William has been left confused and hurt by the parenting conflicts that are continuously popping up. Despite it all, he rarely stops smiling, loves to hug, talks constantly about his two loves (history and politics) and tells me often that he loves me - after all you can love someone and not like them.  

Until the other day when he told me he might be starting to like me.   

William is starting to like me.